The Causes Of Premature
What Causes Rapid or Uncontrolled Ejaculation?
When you read about premature ejaculation, there are lots of ideas as to why it happens. These can be divided into a few groups:
- 1 Psychological or emotional causes
- 2 Physical causes
- 3 Problems with your relationship
Emotional or psychological issues seem to explain the majority of cases of rapid ejaculation.
We're talking about things like anxiety about sex, fear, anger or resentment towards your sexual partner, lack of confidence in bed, a habit of ejaculating quickly because of the way you learned to masturbate (quickly and furtively, perhaps), a lack of sexual experience, never learning how to be a longer lasting lover, shame or guilt about sex, and so on.
Although a lot of research has been done on premature ejaculation, there isn't much evidence that it's caused by physical factors - but we'll look at them anyway.
This might include things like an over-sensitive penis, or levels of serotonin in the brain.
However, we do know that relationship issues are a major cause of sexual problems - and that includes rapid ejaculation!
Click on the links below for more information.
Video: Premature Ejaculation
Here is a summary of the main emotional and psychological reasons why men experience early ejaculation.
Do any of them apply to you?
1 You're too aroused, too turned on!
You may have developed premature ejaculation because your body never learned how to take a lot of sexual arousal without ejaculating far too quickly.
Maybe as a young man you learned to bring yourself off as quickly as possible and this became the way you ejaculated - a pattern you have never managed to change.
Until now. But with the right approach you can easily change how your body responds to sexual stimulation - you can be aroused and excited but not ejaculate as quickly.
For example, when you're making love, learning how to respond to stimulation more slowly means you will can enter your partner's warm, wet vagina and make love without ejaculating for as long as you want.
And to get to climax, you simply step up the depth, pace and intensity of sexual thrusting so you can finally go "over the edge" only when it suits you.
Being with a sexy woman, in her feminine, may tip you over the edge into ejaculation more quickly.
2 You don't know when you're going to ejaculate until it's too late to stop it!
Good lovers always have some awareness of how sexually aroused they are, and so when they sense that ejaculation is going to happen soon, they slow things down or even stop moving and take a rest during sex.
That means their sexual arousal drops, and it's not long before they can carry on where they left off.
If you're a man who has no sense of how near you are to the point of no return (that's the moment when ejaculation becomes inevitable) you'll tend to just carry on making love and so come too soon yet again.
You'd be surprised (perhaps!) how many men don't notice the signals their body is sending out - or perhaps they're just "tuned out" to these signals because they're so sexually excited - and of course, when they do notice, it's already too late to stop themselves coming.
But happily, this cause of premature ejaculation is the easiest of all to put right.
Now, it might be that you go from being sexually aroused to the point of ejaculation because you haven't learned how to handle high sexual arousal without coming.
Whether this is the result of years of quick masturbation or not, there's absolutely no doubt you can change the speed with which your body responds to sexual stimulation high arousal.
You can learn to make love for as long as you want before you come, and you can control when you ejaculate just when you choose by stepping up the speed of sex when you decide the time is right to go "over the edge" - and that's only when you and your partner are ready.
3 Anger and tension in the relationship
If you have some level of underlying anger or resentment with your partner - or even, perhaps, with women in general - then you're not going to be very relaxed when you go to bed with her.
You are actually already emotionally aroused - and that means your adrenaline is high - you're tense, and so your whole system is going to respond to any more stimulation quicker than it otherwise would... and when that stimulation is sexual, the end result is all-too-predictable - you ejaculate too soon.
4 Anxiety or fear
Suppose you aren't completely comfortable with women. That's more common than you'd think: for lots of men with a dominant, over-powering mother, for example, or a mother figure who dominated or abused them in any way - intimacy with a woman can be a cause of anxiety and insecurity.
Such is the human mind's need for protection and safety that the intimacy of sex becomes threatening...and what better way to escape the danger of being too close to a woman by coming as quickly as you can.
And if you think this sounds improbable, remember these things are not always conscious: the mind has great unconscious depths which operate in very powerful and subtle ways.
5 You just want to be somewhere else
Sometimes we just don't want to be having sex, with a particular woman or even with a long term partner.
And trying to have sex in such circumstances will most likely make the body respond with a lost erection or a premature ejaculation. This cause of premature ejaculation really is "all in your mind"!
6 Anxiety about performance
This is often the cause of premature ejaculation in a young man who is sexually inexperienced and may believe that if he cannot make a woman reach orgasm during sex by thrusting his penis in her vagina, he is sexually inadequate.
This is a tremendous threat to his self-esteem. He gets so anxious about coming too soon that he loses any remaining ejaculatory control he may once have had!
If he can accept that he is inexperienced in sex and that practice means he will be a better lover, the anxiety is removed and he will most likely be able to delay his ejaculation.
But many men are dragged into a vicious circle of anxiety where the fear of ejaculating too soon actually makes them ejaculate too soon. There can be additional factors, though.
As one man said: "the more I try, the less l succeed." This man is simply trying too hard and this in itself is focusing his attention on the problem: he gets so anxious that again he loses any remaining self-control!
If he could forget about his problem, enjoy sex with his girl and enter when she is ready, he could delay his ejaculation by a few seconds the first time, half a minute more the next, a minute the third, and so on until he has full control.
7 Other anxieties include fear of getting a sexually transmitted infection
This can be the cause of quick ejaculation in younger men who have many sexual experiences. The answer, obviously, is to use condoms. The fear of unwanted pregnancy can also be dealt with by using reliable contraceptives. The elimination of anxiety is the all-important factor in getting off the vicious circle.
8 Another cause is anxiety about the man's partner
I think most men have experienced premature ejaculation on one or two occasions in their lives.
This may start after long abstinence from sexual intercourse, when a man is so excited that all psychological control is lost and the first attempt at sexual contact brings on immediate ejaculation.
If a man's partner is critical and the man is not emotionally strong enough to ignore her criticism, the next time an opportunity for sex presents itself, he will be apprehensive about ejaculating too soon, and his anxiety may well cause him to do exactly that.
This second failure causes him more anxiety and starts the vicious circle.
9 Another common cause of premature ejaculation is anger or resentment against the partner
Whatever the cause of this resentment (most often the man doesn't want to be in the relationship) a man can show his resentment or anger by ejaculating rapidly and so preventing his partner from getting sexual satisfaction through intercourse.
The too-rapid ejaculator may really be saying something like: "You're not worth making sex good for. I'm not bothered about your pleasure." He is making his partner a victim of his emotional conflict.
Another expression of anger is for a man to stop ejaculating at all regardless of long sex continues. This is called delayed ejaculation, and you can read about it here: overcome delays
Delayed ejaculation shows anger by putting all the blame for a man's inability to ejaculate on his partner. It's important to note, however, that there are other causes of delayed ejaculation - it's not all about anger.
10 We should not forget that some sexual dysfunctions can be caused by physical problems.
Prostatitis is high on the likely list of suspects, and in my work with men I have come increasingly to see yeast infections as a source of irritation that may provide an aversive stimulus to partners making love and result in rapid ejaculation.
You may not even know that you have a yeast infection, but you can check out the symptoms here, and if you have I strongly recommend that you read a review of Linda Allen's Yeast Infection No More to see if it might help you. You can see such a review if you go here.
It's lengthy, but it provides all the information you may need.